Do you??

Well, I wanted to write this down because this is just going on and on in my heart. I love that person soooooooo much that I cant express in words. Whenever i try to think about that, I am overcome with so much emotions that I dont know what else to say.

All that I pray everyday is to live with her every moment of my life. All this depends on one central thing – approval from her parents. She has given herself to me and I have given myself to her. All that I want now is to hold that hand all my life and live together. To live every moment of my life with that person. I know we are totally different from each other, totally from 2 different cultures and from entirely different backgrounds. But I have loved that person and as I held her hand I prayed to God to let me hold her hand all my life.

I cannot imagine even in the wildest of my dreams to spend such moments with anyone else. I will better not marry if her parents disapprove. I will live alone and away from my family till all pressures settle down. I sincerely wish God does something and brings us together. I know we will have a tough time, but its those times that brings us very close to each other. And she is a young girl who is learning. And I will teach her and she will teach me. And we will learn all things together in life.

Swami, please help me lead my life with her. Help us make the best efforts and proper decisions in life. I only pray to you to show me the right path and help both of us get married. I see YOU in her Swami. She is my life, my God now. Please make her parents understand my dear Lord. Please do something that will bring us close to each other.

I really wonder how far this life and love has brought me. Swami, is this all your play??

Clarity

Well, I want to put a quick thought on whats going on in my mind. This person has told me that she can give me what I want or what I deserve. Wel, In the first place, I only wanted to be in touch with her. Her relation brought forth feeings in me that were dormant or hidden in me for long. I just wanted to talk to her, to know her and to experience her moods ( even though I was miles away from her). When she said this, she obviously thinks I am continuing on this relation because I want her to have a relation with me.

I am already related to her – as a friend. Of late, due to work pressures certain unassuming thoughts did occur. But, I have never ever felt the desire to marry her. Sometimes, I would feel if I could get such a person in my life. But, that’s it. It basically put forth a point – that she feels I am doing this in expectation of something. In that case, the only thing that I expect from her is her love, care and understanding.

I wanted to put this burning thought in my mind as it makes me think twice before sending her an sms. I dont want her to feel that I am doing this for something in return. If I cant ask for even that Love, care and understanding – then I would definitely feel myself unlucky in this world.

Emotions

The last time I wrote here, I was on a high I guess – high on emotions and hormones. Some sense comes into me now. To think that I desire her itself was totally wrong. How could you Ranjith? You did the same mistake previously and repeating it again. Dont do it. Cherish this relationhsip. Treasure it. Dont think beyond what is not obvious.

Birthday blues

My lead was pushing me to go to Bangalore today. I told him, there is no reason for me to go and impress this little girl with whom I have been talking to. He doesn’t understand. We share such closeness on the mental plane which might be mistaken for a close relationship. I too was thinking in that direction until this relation with this girl opened my mind.

She is such a child at heart. I can only say that I feel like I am talking to my sister but a little more matured person internally. I told my lead that I am not talking to her to get into any relationship. I am talking to her because, it kind of stabilises my emotions when I am running high or low. I needed this because I was kind of getting desperate about alliances. This girl has brought sensibility to my thoughts.

I wonder why its always a girl who can make you think about things that you should know and that which your parents and siblings always say. I really wonder why men become like that??? I have got no answer being a guy!! Any answers anyone??