Something to say

Well, the other day this sweet person found my blog and read through all of them. She read including what i had written about her. And finaly she surmised it one simple sentence – Its all normal. Hmmm, so this normal guy has been blogging about his uncertainities, his fears, his thoughts and feelings in to the blog. Why? Because he didnt have anyone to share his feelings with.Good Ranjith. You are a normal person. Did you realise that?

Actually, I cannot share certain things with this person too. For how can I say that I want to be close to her always. Not only the mental plane but also the physical plane. Its tough. I shouldnt desire that and shouldnt expect anything of that sort too. But, she is like a powerful magnet pulling me towards her. Is this intoxication(Nasha), I do not know. I hope I do not make any wrong moves here. I dont want to desire her to be with me. And I dont want to be without her too. Hmmm…Strange feelings…

I only wish that I have this relation with this beautiful person all through my life. Whether it is possible or not is something time can only tell. I have revealed some of my intimate actions to her. Oh God! Where I am heading to? Please help me understand her perspective too. I will end up being a big joker otherwise. I already have had one big bad experience. Yes. Now I understand. I am trying to make the same mistakes. Come on ranjith. Dont do this buddy. You have enough on your hands for now.

Well, work is going along fine. I hope I complete this work in a thorough manner. Help me Lord on this. And tomorrow we have planned the registration. Please help me complete it. And help me get this things related to the house set right. Please Lord!!

Birthday blues again!!!

Hmmm…Finally, Harshitha replied to my mail for her birthday and thanked me. Atleast it removes the guilt I was having in my mind that I broke the wonderful relation that could have happened between us. Anyway, no regrets. It was a learning phase and I have learnt from it not to hurt myself again because of a girl.

Ok. Now that I have put my Devdas feeling down, let me talk about the wonders of this life. I wrote some “so called” sher and sent to this person. She was kind enough to appreciate my effort and changed it to sound better and more meaningful. She has this gift of expression that few can have and a very good imagination. You end up feeling you are talking to a chotu school girl…That’s how she is!!

Joke apart, these are the modified ones. I wont post the original as it would make no sense here.

One-

“Chalte hue duniya ki tanha raaho me,

dua karte hai kuch waqt mile unki baaho me,

Jaane un se judaai ka dar kyoun hamesha rehta hai is dil me,

Par shayad yehi kasak hume unke aur kareeb le jaati hai.”

Two-

“Do din ki haseen mulakat ko,

Guzre palo ko meethi yaado ko,

Maine saath piro diya ek khubsurat har me,

Ae dost zara aapni palke utha kar aasma ko dekh sab sitare khade hai tere liye woh har le kar.”

Three-

“Yeh raat hume tanhayio ka ehsas dila rahi hai,

sochta hu kyoun hai is raat ki dooriya,

lagta tha ki meri zindagi adhoori hai,

Par aap se milne ke baad ehsas hua ki duniya bahut pyaari hai.”

I really wonder if we can share this relation all through our life. Such a sweet person. I wish she gets the best in her life – always. I just say a small prayer every day to keep this friendship alive all through my life.

One more wonder that happened is I got my horoscope – a full notebook full of writings. My mother read that and said that there is no prediction there, but just stating the planetary positions and what could result due to that. So, no luck to know where my life is heading. I still want to meet the Sai devotee who can give me some direction to where my life is heading.

Think..Thought

When you think a thought occurs, or do you think because a thought has occurred. It suddenly confused me. Whatever it is we think and thoughts do cloud our mind.

Today, some of her friends pulled her leg and she was pissed off as they were relating her to me. What I dont understand is how can she like me other than have the respect and trust. I am actually past the age where I can commit myself to anything called a relationship. I feel happy to spend time in good company. I necessarily not get married. Thats what I feel. But sometimes I feel the need for a partner to share all my feelings. Currently, I can do that with this person.

I feel we were brought together by destiny so that I could learn something from her and she from me. I hope we learn what we need to from each other and let me maintain this relationship throughout my life. I really wonder about the ways of life!! Let me not at any point in this relationship make a mistake of considering her a partner for me. Please give me that forethought and strength.

The real problem is the strong attraction I feel towards her. It was there from the start, but work was able to streamline the energy. Now that the distance is greater, the attraction is stronger. So, going to meet her this weekend to reduce any unwanted feelings I have. Just kidding!!!

I really wonder why I named this blog like this. I still wonder if I will ever change and be the way i want to be!!