saddest thing

I am really sad these days. There are a number of good things happening, but still I am sad. The reason is that I am starting to realise what I like from my heart is not going to be mine. Normally I dont ask things from God. I only ask for guidance, but in this case I had prayed to God. If I really deserve, then so be it.

But you know the pain of losing something you desire. The pain that the person whom you love so much from the heart will move away from you. The pain that the person whom you consider your own inner self doesnt feel that way. The pain that one day you have to compromise in your life just because you did not get a better timing in life. The pain that life wont be the same without her. All these things outweigh every other good thing that has been happening of lately. Anyone else in my position would have been carried away in happiness by what happened. But here I am feeling I am sinking into the sea.

May be I should not think of such things. May be I should not let desire take root in my heart. I only wish her happiness, wherever she is. I now realise the pain that you feel when you know that the person you love will no more be with you. It hurts. It hurts at the very core of your being. But what I have learned is if you love, you should be ready to lose. If you love, you should be ready to get hurt. If you love, you should be ready to sacrifice anything, including your love for your love. I dont know what else to say now. My heart is heavy!!!

Dilemma !!!

The pain…….Hmmm…I should learn. Today, the feeling that I can never be together with the sweet person hurt me much. I felt it strong enough. Its for a few months/years and then she would be away to her place or get married to some other person, which is a reality. And I will have only my blog to feel her presence. It pained. But, Ranjith get used to this reality. This is what is waiting for you. Both of you know that. Don’t deny it. Its bound to happen. Ok. So, I will treasure these little things that life has given me through her.

Here is another poem by her -

“Raat ki khamosh hawa kuch keh rahi hai,

Chand ki chandni bhi aapko talash rahi hai,

suno woh gunguna kar aapko ek pyaari si raat ka paigaam de rahi hai,

dua karte hain ki aapki har mushkilen,

sab gham is andhero me kho jaye aur

nayi subah aapki zindagi me is jahan ki sab khushya le aaye.”

One more of her creations -

Ek haseen subah ka paigaam ek pyare insan ke naam –

“Suraj ki tarah roshan rahe hamesha aapka jeevan,

phulo ki mehak ki tarah khushyaan hamesha aapki har

saans ko mehkaati rahe”

Self doubts

Today was one day I had serious discussion about my emotions with that girl. I mean not about any personally love, but about why I am like this at heart. I could openly talk to her and she listened and suggested some things. I just was not able to do what she had suggested. Its because this feelings are deeply ingrained and it would take a big learning to change it.

Wonder what – Another Sher from that person:

“Rat kat thi nahi, din guzarta nahi,

kambhahakhat dil tujhe yaad karte thakta nahi,

dur ho kar bhi tu mujh se dur nahi hai,

par ab yeh judai ka gham mere dil ko raas nahi hai”

Loosely translated to -

“Nights dont pass, The days are elongated,

This idiotic heart doesnt get tired thinking of you,

You are far away but never far from me,

but the pain of this separation cannot be borne by my heart”

She has this amazing ability to switch to different topics and do excellent work in them. This is one such thing that she wrote when her friend & her friend’s boy friend got separated after a fight. Beautiful thought there!!

Well, I started off wrongly. I wanted to say that today I learnt that without practice I wont be able to keep myself diversified. I should work on that.