saddest thing

I am really sad these days. There are a number of good things happening, but still I am sad. The reason is that I am starting to realise what I like from my heart is not going to be mine. Normally I dont ask things from God. I only ask for guidance, but in this case I had prayed to God. If I really deserve, then so be it.

But you know the pain of losing something you desire. The pain that the person whom you love so much from the heart will move away from you. The pain that the person whom you consider your own inner self doesnt feel that way. The pain that one day you have to compromise in your life just because you did not get a better timing in life. The pain that life wont be the same without her. All these things outweigh every other good thing that has been happening of lately. Anyone else in my position would have been carried away in happiness by what happened. But here I am feeling I am sinking into the sea.

May be I should not think of such things. May be I should not let desire take root in my heart. I only wish her happiness, wherever she is. I now realise the pain that you feel when you know that the person you love will no more be with you. It hurts. It hurts at the very core of your being. But what I have learned is if you love, you should be ready to lose. If you love, you should be ready to get hurt. If you love, you should be ready to sacrifice anything, including your love for your love. I dont know what else to say now. My heart is heavy!!!

Define Sweetness

Ok. Here is my wonderful question for all.

“How do you define sweetness?”

All of you might give me ‘n’ number of definitions. Eveything would be incorrect. The only answer to this would be to meet this beautiful person and talk to her, understand her & reciprocate her love and affection. Then sweetness is defined automatically. You just cannot define sweetness by words. It has to be experienced. See, even my words are limiting what I can say sweet.

Well, she has come up with on the spot composition -

“Is raat andhere tanhaiyo ka ehsas ho raha hai,

sab se dur hone ka gum sata raha hai,

Par chand ko dekh kar aap yaad aaye,

Aaisa laga ki hawa ke saath aap bhi hume milne aaye”

She has been not keeping well today. And this led her to feel homesick. And see how nicely she puts her feelings into this. And this is spontaneous. Not deliberated upon. I am capturing all her written ones here, so as to trace it back to her.

“I am so far, yet so near,

Its just the distance that separates us dear,

The bond of friendship that ties us together,

Let this be strengthened with love and care forever’”

Pal pal pal

I wonder if Destiny brings two persons together (not necessarily marriage) to learn something important in life. I have been introduced to this person, whom I wont name, and we have so much in common in what has happened in life. She communicates her heart out to me and i respect that. I have vowed to keep the trust and I will till my life’s end.

Women all over india have taught me one thing – What it is to bear sufferings and yet bring joy to others lives? I might need to learn from them all my life. I spend hours chatting with this person via sms. We communicate whatever we feel at heart through this. But I am not sure if I can call her up and talk. For the only times we talked to each other during our previous project was to get technical doubts clarified and sometimes over lunch.

I wonder how amazing life is and what is it really trying to teach us. Below is a sher by her again – especially when I hurt her with my idiotic words.

“Riston ki is dor ko humne kitne pyar se sanjona chaha,

par ae dost tujhe humara pyaar bhi gawara na hua;

Aur tune is dor ko banne se pehle hi tod diya. “

Loosely translated to -

“With full love I was trying to build the friendship,

but my dear friend couldnt bear that

and broke it even before I could start”

When will I ever learn to make my heart soft to others feelings. Please teach me Lord. I really wonder again!!