Today the sweetest person I have known went to her hometown because her maternal grandpa had expired. The more saddening thing for me in this whole set of events was that she was supporting me through the pain she felt because of my silly emotions. I am such a sucker. I was caught in my own emotions when she needed me most. Oh God! Why did this happen?? And I had fun and slept and she was still awake. May be I could have shared a few consoling words with her. But, it was never to happen.
Actually, I am not moved by death. I didnt cry for my fathers death too. I dont know why. But I cant explain. May be I am such a stone hearted person. Dont know.
Never ever will I let such things happen again. Certain events happen so fast that we donot have control over it. I do not know how much pain she was under, for one of her sher that she wrote for me because I requested her told her emotions. I really felt bad.
The sher is -
“Zindagi ke rang bhi kitne ajeeb hai,
kabhi khushiyo se chamakta hua lal hota hai,
to kabhi ghum me jhulsa hua safed hai,
ghum ke is aalam me mann to bahut bechain hai,
par khud to sambhal kar hume jazbaato ke sehlab me unke liye ek kinara banna hai”
I didnt understand its contents in the first 2-3 readings. Only after sometime did I realise that the pain she had felt. Oh Ranjith! Ye tumne kya kar dala yaar….
And the entire day I wanted to say so many things to her but I knew she wasnt available. I had to keep my thoughts to myself. The first time I feel separation from someone reminds me of so much she means to me and my life.
