Why?

Ok, Now after writing the earlier post, I had gone for a haircut. During that time, the only thought that was going on in my mind was why did i write the earlier post? Well, I wanted to see if writing down my thoughts provide me some clarity.

First, I like the person and do not want her to lead a life compromised. She should lead it to the fullest. Second, it might have been a very small time that we know each other but feel like as if we know each other for long and its just renewing some past acquaintances. Even when I met her for the first time, I had the same feeling. I haven’t felt it with many people. Third, we have shared with each other things that we dare not share with anyone else out of fear of either not being understood or being taken for a ride. There are certain things of your personal life that you never show it to anyone else. I have only not revealed one part of my life, that I want myself to forget, to her. Of course, I wont even reveal that to my wife.

Fourth, I have started seeing her as my support whom I can rely on at anytime. She understands, cares and suggests. Earlier, she used to give me solutions, now she suggests. That subtlety is something I love to see in a girl. Fifth, I feel so close to her mentally. I can feel like as if I can see her emotions that go up and down in her mind and heart. Its a feeling that cannot have any validation. God help me.

After thinking all these, I decided I should put it down here. For none should get an misunderstanding that I want a relationship with her. I do not mean that I never want. But just that we know each other for only 2 months and sometimes we end up making mistakes because our hormonal activity is strong and the resultant desire gets clouded as Love. I just do not want to make that mistake again. She is a mature person and she knows better. That’s why when it comes to emotions, I always let her handle that. I am too immature for that. But my only worry is she hides a lot of emotions. It was one of those rare moments the other day that she opened up and now she is closed. Her emotions are like the springs that you never know when the water can come??

I only ask you God, to show me the right path and help us decide what is best for both of us in life. I feel light now. Good that I decided to put it down.

How can I???

Well, where do I start? This beautiful person had a lot of emotions that were rising from her heart and shared it with me. I could understand that and asked her to evaluate what she felt. Instead she has taken it as a guilt and has put on her mask now and acts ki that those feelings were uncalled for.

Actually, I am wondering how long in her life will she continue to deny her true feelings. She is going to do this for her sentiments and live a compromised life. I just sincerely pray that she be happy wherever she is. There is an overwhelming feeling in me to tell her not be like this. But, she has put on her mask for the world and will not be able to understand what I say. But I am sure, one fine day in her life, she will recognise this and will let go of this. But, I wonder when she will understand this.

I dont know why I feel like this, but there are certain subtleties that I feel are right. These are somethings that directly originate from the subconscious. Its only not understood by people in the same way as I see it. But, the overall point is the same. I am only afraid now that if I open up myself and share all my love to a person in my life, wont I get hurt? Wont I cry for someone who was unknown to me before, but feels like I have known her from time immemorial!! Its ok yaar, Life is always like that!! I am not going to stop loving just because I am going to get hurt. Where is the risk then? Where is the joy of getting hurt??