Yesterday, I made a comment about her. It was something that just occurred to my mind when I saw the pic in gmail. After that I just carried on with my work. But that odd comment seemed to have hurt her and has put her in a lot of thoughts. She was wondering if I was thinking about her in such a lowly way.
It hurt me for she is one who has shown me that there is love in me that I can share with others. I hadn’t recognised it for long that I could. She has shown that I could. And how could I think such way. Actually, even the fleeting thoughts that occur regarding her are immediately put in their proper perspective. How could I think such and that too send her the same. It was the open relationship I share with her that makes me tell everything that goes on in my mind to her. When she asked me that yesterday, I felt really hurt at myself. For the moment I thought I shouldn’t love anyone so much that I say everything at the bottom of my heart.
But she was hurt. She had a reason to be. And so, I didn’t think much beyond that. She shouldn’t carry on this relation with such a bad impression about me. Fortunately, she asked. And I was really happy. I just cant imagine what could have happened if she hadn’t asked and I just carried on assuming it was the same. It wouldn’t have been the same after that. And I would have lost her. I would have lost her because I couldn’t keep my tongue and mind in check. Thank God! She asked.
Atleast the air is clear between us. I can talk to her in the same way I used to. But still all those previous bad experiences have set in a motion of caution inside me. I have lost many a relation because of communication gap. I dont want this to happen. At home, we are 4 persons within the walls. There are more walls around me wrt others at home. I am not open to them. Atleast I felt I could tell her everything that ran across my mind. I still think I can. I just pray to God to not let the subconscious feelings take over and distance mytself from her world again. I know I cant fall back. Atleast I donot want to take a step back. And Lord, please forgive me for having made such a blunder.
Apprehensive!!
Yesterday, I made a comment about her. It was something that just occurred to my mind when I saw the pic in gmail. After that I just carried on with my work. But that odd comment seemed to have hurt her and has put her in a lot of thoughts. She was wondering if I was thinking about her in such a lowly way.
It hurt me for she is one who has shown me that there is love in me that I can share with others. I hadn’t recognised it for long that I could. She has shown that I could. And how could I think such way. Actually, even the fleeting thoughts that occur regarding her are immediately put in their proper perspective. How could I think such and that too send her the same. It was the open relationship I share with her that makes me tell everything that goes on in my mind to her. When she asked me that yesterday, I felt really hurt at myself. For the moment I thought I shouldn’t love anyone so much that I say everything at the bottom of my heart.
But she was hurt. She had a reason to be. And so, I didn’t think much beyond that. She shouldn’t carry on this relation with such a bad impression about me. Fortunately, she asked. And I was really happy. I just cant imagine what could have happened if she hadn’t asked and I just carried on assuming it was the same. It wouldn’t have been the same after that. And I would have lost her. I would have lost her because I couldn’t keep my tongue and mind in check. Thank God! She asked.
Atleast the air is clear between us. I can talk to her in the same way I used to. But still all those previous bad experiences have set in a motion of caution inside me. I have lost many a relation because of communication gap. I dont want this to happen. At home, we are 4 persons within the walls. There are more walls around me wrt others at home. I am not open to them. Atleast I felt I could tell her everything that ran across my mind. I still think I can. I just pray to God to not let the subconscious feelings take over and distance mytself from her world again. I know I cant fall back. Atleast I donot want to take a step back. And Lord, please forgive me for having made such a blunder.